Nov 10

Nov 10 struggles.

just don't give up. and if you need to cry, or paint, or write, or create, or sweat, or sing, or dance, or whatever healthy & good for your soul to help you get through this.

struggles
noun. a determined effort under difficulties.

senior year is supposed to be the greatest year of high school. for some this is the case...for others it is not. to be completely honest, this has been my favorite year of high school. freshman year i was verbally sexually harassed to an unreal level and i firmly believe i went through a deep depression, sophomore year i was trying to get over my freshman year and i was doing quite well until my hip prohibited me from playing the sport i love most, junior year was so stressful that everybody literally went bat shit crazy and could not handle anything because of all the pressure the school and society was putting on us, and now i can thankfully say that senior year i have not been stressed from school, and not even work. i can say that i am truly happy about how far i have come (especially since i have worked on viewing the world positively). but as i look around me, i notice how miserable some of my peers still are.

we are all struggling.
some struggle with depression, other with their anger, or anxiety, or insecurity, or recklessness, etc etc. it can be anything.
personally, i struggle with balance. i am very emotional. i try to hold a lot of it back. but i think that is what caused this unbalanced. freshman year i held in all of my sadness, anger, etc. so much and i didn't cry for 8 months. that is so unhealthy. and i think holding everything in messed with me in a way that will definitely take awhile to heal/fix. and you know what, this struggle sucks. but i also understand that it is something i need to go through.

the truth is, everybody is struggling. there is not one human being that does not struggle. struggling, being a hot mess, goes with being human. nobody truly has their shit fully together.

as i grow older, i began to be aware that even adults are nowhere near having their shit together entirely. and that is perfectly okay. if somebody had their shit together entirely, there would be no reason to live. life is all about experiencing new things, living life to the fullest, and enjoying the little things. if everything was perfect: there wouldn't be a need to experience new things, or try to improve yourself, and you wouldn't enjoy the little things because you would never go through bad shit to make you appreciate the good things more.

i really hope you are understanding what i am saying...and maybe you don't. because to be honest, i don't understand my thoughts a good portion of the time. they are all over the place, and so are my emotions and i can try my hardest to be perfect: cool, calm, collected 100% of the time. but that would be boring.

it is so healthy to feel excitement, and love, and passion, and anger, and sadness, and everything in between.
but like everything in life, we need to try to find balance. we need to concentrate more on the good, and less on the bad.

it makes me so sad to see us struggle so much, and i wish i could help everybody...but ultimately "the only person who can save you is yourself"...and the struggle is just something that everybody goes through. we just have to work for it... and we have to support those who we care about when they are struggling too. always remember that you are not alone, and that those who love you will help you get through this.
just don't give up. and if you need to cry, or paint, or write, or create, or sweat, or sing, or dance, or whatever healthy & good for your soul to help you get through this: do not be ashamed, do not be embarrassed. "whatever's good for your soul, do that."

here is some of my favorite quotes for different struggles that might help you...

for sadness/tears:

"do not tell me
that crying is a
sign of weakness.

if I can use water
to keep my body
free from dirt,

then I can also
shed tears to
remove the burden
from my soul."

for feeling like you cannot create:

"nobody will stop you from creating.
do it tonight. do it tomorrow. that
is the way to make your soul grow -
whether there is a market for it or not!
the kick of creation is the act of
creating, not anything that happens
afterward. I would tell all of you
watching this screen: before you go to
bed, write a four line poem. make it as
good as you can. don't show it to
anybody. put it where nobody will find
it. and you will discover that you have
your reward." -kurt vonnegut

for feeling hopeless/sad/unforgivable:

"forgive yourself
each night, and
recommit every
morning."

for feeling angry:

"holding onto anger is
like drinking poison
and expecting the
other person to die." -buddha

"anger makes and reveals character."

for all types of feelings:

"stop worring.
stop getting angry at things that aren't worth the energy you put into staying angry.
take a shower.
take five showers.
hell, take ten showers if you want to.
stay in bed all day and do 'nothing'.
watch shitty romantic movies and cry your
heart out.
stay outside all day.
wake up in the morning with the determination
to fall in love with your city all over again.
find quiet cafes and independent book stores
that you've never come across before.
pretend you're a tourist and take photographs.
stay out all night.
do things.
take care of yourself.
breathe."

just remember that you're not alone.
& with the right mindset, life has the potential to be incredible.
you are worth it. remember that.
I promise.